So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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