Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
