she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
