I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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