I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
