I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
