Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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