it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
