is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
