whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
