I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
