and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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