I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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