Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
