my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
