he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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