I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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