Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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