what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
