Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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