I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
