he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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