My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
