He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
