3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
