remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
