Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
