You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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