why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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