Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
