i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
