Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
