So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
