after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
