i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
