That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
