Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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