I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
