A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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