He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
