Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
