i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
