I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
