the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
