Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
