yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
