Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
not ubering you a puppy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
