OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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