If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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