Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
