Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
