his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
