I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
