I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When did angry sex become our thing?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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