i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
