Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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