That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize