just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
