what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
