She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We need to rekindle our bromance
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
