We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am available for nakedness
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
