a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize