I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
