I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize