So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize