It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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